turkeys for giving

This past week, we have been talking at-length with the students about community service. The children were told to bring in boxes of cookies that would be given to homeless people at the next Midnight Run event. The school community service committee tried to make the project more meaningful to the children by telling them they should do a chore in the house to earn the money needed to buy a box of cookies. Some of our students did this. I felt, however, that even with the chore caveat, the project did not drive home what it means to serve our community. During a time of Thanksgiving, it is important that our children truly understand how fortunate they are... Furthermore, they should understand that we are all responsible for the well-being of our communities. Even young children can make a difference in the lives of others. Having mom buy a box of cookies that is going to go to some nebulous Midnight Run project, in my opinion, does not show the children this fact...

So, I suggested that we in Kindergarten take on a more hands-on approach to serving our communities. I called a local children's hospital where I volunteer and basically asked them, "What are your needs? How can we support you?" The woman on the phone told me that we could make some decorations for their Thanksgiving feast. Many of the children are too ill to go home for the holidays (they essentially live at the hospital) and the staff wanted to make the feast look lively and home-like for the patients. I told the rest of my teaching team that I felt we should have the girls help the children's hospital and really speak with them about what it means to serve our communities. We all agreed that making something for fellow children who were less fortunate than our students would be of great meaning to our kids.

We set to work. After explaining the project and the hospital's feast to the children, we gave them 3-D turkeys to decorate, strips of paper out of which they made chains, and a giant turkey picture on which they wrote get well notes. It was difficult to strike a balance between having the children truly understand the meaning behind community service and making sure they did not become depressed over the issue. Some children came up to me and asked me if the hospitalized patients would be able to go home soon. I explained that some of them would, but others would have to stay there longer. This only motivated the students to work harder on their decorations.

At the end of the day, we were all extremely excited about the work we had done. The children truly felt like they were serving others and knew that what they did would bring a smile on the faces of the patients. They also began to better appreciate all that they possess. For example, one child said, "I love school so much. I am so lucky that I get to go to school every day. I really hope the children at the hospital get better soon so they can go to school too." What could be more precious than that?

We often underestimate the ability of young children to understand what it means to serve others. This is especially true in our more well-off communities. I say, it never hurts to try. School should be about having children do new things. Education is such a progressive field, so let's allow our children to be more active in changing our understandings about the world. My students actively understood what they were doing, and with their project, they made a small difference in their community. We should want our children to learn that they can make a difference - they are, after all, our future.

trying to find the words

So much has happened since I last updated my blog that I don't even know where to begin. I wish that I had spent more time writing here though. I adore writing and need it in order to better organize my thoughts. I'm realizing more and more each day just how dangerous my thoughts can be. It helps me to just sit down and write about what's going on...

I guess one of the reasons why I have hesitated to update my blog is a constant fear that the school where I work might read something I write and reprimand me for publicly speaking about my workplace. I don't know what the regulations are... I should probably read my work handbook at some point. And if I don't write about work, well, frankly I don't have much else to write about. Teaching is my life - literally. I do not do anything else really... I am constantly thinking about my students, evaluating and re-evaluating my ability to reach them each day. Some days are better than others; one thing, however, stands true throughout - I love teaching and cannot imagine my life without working with children.

I think it's safe to say, though, that no one from my school administration will be reading this blog anytime soon. Well, I hope not anyway because I need to start writing about and sharing about my life before I go absolutely insane. Where to begin though? I've been teaching for 3 months now, but it feels like 3 years. So much happens every single day. And I have done so much already...

So, at some point (maybe later today) I will find the right words so I can begin to write more in-depth about my life. Right now, all I can say is that I love teaching. I love my students. I don't always love my school and I have visions of where I would like to teach once my 2-year program is complete. But, I am so happy to be where I am in life right now. I am so excited for whatever God has in store for me in the future! I have wanted to be a teacher my whole life and am thrilled that this profession truly is my calling from Him. with love and peace always~

Jinjoo's Story

If you have not yet met my dog, she (and Yeppi, my family's dog) is the CUTEST dog ever :) Just look for yourself...
I told you! Super cute. Anyway, I thought I'd allot some time here to share Jinjoo's story. I adopted Jinjoo last fall from Forever Home Rescue, an animal rescue agency in Massachusetts. Last fall at Brown, I had an extremely trying semester. A lot of chaotic drama happened around me from which I could not easily remove myself, and I became wrapped up in a slew of negativity and emotional destruction. As I was dealing with my depression at the time, I had an intensely difficult time being alone. Because I was already intending on adopting a dog post-graduation, I selfishly decided to adopt one earlier so as to help me with my loneliness and perhaps regain sanity. My parents agreed to let me get a dog...hesitantly for they were worried that the responsibilities of a dog might drive me crazy. I searched for weeks all over petfinder.com, filling out applications left and right. One application finally came through for me...and it was Jinjoo...who at the time was named Thelma.

The blurb on Jinjoo's (then Thelma's) web page read that she had been abandoned by previous owners along with her four puppies. She was only 1.5 years old and had already been a teen mom! They described her as a black Pomeranian mix who was extremely friendly and just a sweet-heart! Who can say no to such a description? I showed my mother the pictures of Jinjoo posted on petfinder.com. I guess the pictures of her back then were not so flattering, because my mom did not seem too thrilled with this option. Still, she was the only one that came through and I was desperate~ I NEEDED to have a dog in my life.

The way the adoption process worked was that I had to fill out paperwork and undergo an interview/observation. The timing actually worked out perfectly because the day the woman who was interviewing me decided to come check me out was in the middle of the week during which I was dog-sitting for my parents. So the woman was able to see how I interacted with my family's dog, Yeppi. I passed the test with flying colors and now just had to wait a couple of weeks before they could transport Jinjoo/Thelma from Tennessee. See, a lot of these adoption agencies bring animals from the South because down there they euthanize strays by the thousands. Could you imagine killing Jinjoo in a gas chamber because some selfish owners threw her out their back porch?? Anyway, Jinjoo needed to be prepped for this transport so she had to get all of her vaccinations and needed to be registered. After this was completed, Jinjoo was to be put in a crate on a truck filled with other dogs (a puppy truck they call it) and be driven several hours to a veterinarian in Massachusetts. I could then pick Jinjoo up from the vet.

On Saturday, November 1st (Yeppi's 6th Birthday), my parents and Yeppi drove up to Providence to come with me to pick up Jinjoo. We were all extremely excited, but also nervous. My mother later told me that she thought to herself, "what if she's not a cute dog? How will I pretend that she is to Soyoung??" I think I probably worried about the same thing...but I was most concerned about whether or not the new puppy would like me and would behave well for me. Was I really in over my head? What made me so sure that I was ready to raise a dog?

When we got to the vet's in MA, my parents, Yeppi and I all waited outside for about 15 minutes until the massive trailer-looking puppy truck drove into the long driveway of the vet's clinic. The head of the pet adoption agency, Linda, ran up to the door at the side of the truck, which opened downward like an entrance bridge to a castle. The driver of the truck appeared from behind the door with a dog in his hand. This was a small boxer named Wilma, who had a whole lot of spunk. The driver handed the dog to one of the Forever Home Rescue staff members who wore a pair of gloves. She told the eager young girl waiting for her new pet, Wilma, to wait outside. None of us could touch any of the dogs until they received one last shot...or something like that.

Then Linda told the driver to get the black Pomeranian, Thelma, as well...that was our dog. The driver carried out a very hairy, fluffy, and dirty black Pomeranian, whose face was cuter than any I'd ever seen. My mother took pictures of Thelma as she took her first glances at the North East. Linda then carried Thelma to the back of the vet's office and we waited some more. Thelma finally came out, we finished the necessary paperwork, then my family and I took my new puppy to my home in Providence.

I renamed Thelma in the car...she is now Jinjoo and has lived with me for the last 9 months. At first we went through many a trying transition...adjusting to one another was difficult for the both of us. Rather quickly, though, she came to understand that I was her new owner, and I have come to know everything there is to know about Jinjoo. I know what makes her happier than anything else in the world (food), what makes her more frightened than anything else (thunder), how she behaves with other dogs (poorly...she's a feisty one), how much she loves my family and me, and so much more. She is truly truly my one and only baby. When she's sick, I hurt too...when she's sad, I cry too...when she's happy, my heart lights up. She absolutely saved my life last fall, so I owe her everything. I love her with all of me and wish I could live with her for the rest of my life.

So that's Jinjoo's story...for now anyway. I'm sure I'll have lots more to share in the future :)

waiting to teach, classes, and such~

I really need to work on the time spacing between each of my entries. Once a month is pretty pathetic :) especially since I have SO much on my mind these days.

This summer, instead of relaxing, which I now really wish I had done, I decided to start taking courses in my Masters in Teaching program at Manhattanville College. It's a small school in Westchester, NY (near my home) and has a joint program with the school where I will begin assistant teaching in the fall, Greenwich Academy. Classes at Manhattanville have been alright - sort of a hit or miss situation actually. Some classes are extremely thought-provoking and get me really excited to start teaching. Others are, well, shitty. I mean, really really shitty. The sad thing is, that seems to be a trend among many Education programs throughout the country. Apparently teacher preparation is not something most schools take seriously...such a huge tragedy...

My Foundations of Education class has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. After taking this course I can honestly say that I feel "called" to teach. Yes, the more and more I sit in discussions I think to myself: "Our society is so f'ed up!" I often leave class wondering why the idiots in government offices get to make horrible decisions that destroy young people's lives without asking the very people whose lives they impact for their input. I become infuriated with the damaging effects of No Child Left Behind, and even more upset that it doesn't look as though this act will go away any time soon. Sometimes I want to run away from it all because I do not want to have to one day sit in a classroom and teach my students how to pass some dumb standardized test that does not in fact measure whether my students KNOW anything. And even still, I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Maybe precisely because there are so many problems in the education system.

One thing we talk about in class is the fact that teachers are highly de-professionalized in this society. In countries throughout the world, like France or South Korea, teaching is a highly revered profession that is supported by the government. School is valued with the utmost importance. In France students are in school until 5 pm - a brilliant idea if you ask me. Teachers are paid in these countries to get educated and trained for the very demanding work that lies ahead. Some private schools in the U.S. do the same, and many also hire mostly individuals who received their Ph.D.'s. In the public sector of education, however, teachers acquire most of their training through mediocre programs that do not actually prepare them for the classroom. And then the supplementary programs offered teachers are often irrelevant to their classroom settings or do not give teachers the help they feel they truly need.

Many people do not regard teachers as professionals, maybe because the programs that prepare teachers are so shoddy, or perhaps society's inability to regard teachers as professionals is the reason for the mediocre programs... Either way, I hate it when people talk like anyone can teach a classroom. I once witnessed a lawyer try to tell a teacher how she should run her class. I wanted to turn and ask him: "when was the last time you taught an elementary school class?" One of my professors recently told me that she got into a fight with some business guy who felt that teachers got paid too much. Umm...hello? You wouldn't have gotten to where you are if it weren't for your teachers! And how much do you make again? His justification was that teachers get 2 months off, so it has to be an easy job right? He should try and run a 1st grade classroom in the South Bronx for a day...

I know that I am going to have to deal with these types of criticisms for a while. Even now I often get asked, "You're going to be a teacher after you graduated from Brown University?" Like somehow teaching is a waste of an Ivy League education... I hope I can overcome these ridiculous comments and just continue to do what I know is right for me. And that is to teach and hopefully change some lives. With all the problems going on economically in this country and the persistent neglect of the education crisis that continues to grow, I think schools are in need of more and more dedicated and passionate teachers. I do not know that I will be the best teacher in the world...I hope I will be the best I can be. But I know that I have the right drive and heart needed to teach my students well. I don't want to just be a good teacher. I want to be extraordinary, so that my students can realize how extraordinary they are as well. I know I have a lot of work and growth ahead of me...and I just cannot WAIT to get started :)

War and Peace

It's been so long since I've written I realize. Life has been crazy with graduate school. And then I got overwhelmed with the different thoughts and ideas in my mind over the last few weeks, that I could not even approach my blog. So much has happened in the last few weeks...Iran, Michael Jackson, North Korea... It's sometimes too much for me too handle and I end up closing myself off from news, from people. I just can't take how much we, society, allow to take place in our world. Especially, how many people we end up hurting, whether through physical beatings, verbal banter, or silence.

I don't know why, but one particular issue compelled me to write something this morning. I am currently reading a book that was released last year by Ishmael Beah entitled A Long Way Gone. It's an autobiographical account of life as a boy soldier in the Sierra Leone rebel army. I've rather randomly ended up having lots of conversations about soldiers and wartime lately. A few of my friends are dating/engaged to soldiers who will soon be going out into the field, and, of course, there's the whole issue of the fact that the U.S. is fighting multiple wars right now. So, perhaps it's not all that random. Nonetheless, it is not a topic that I would LIKE to discuss in-depth. I do not say any of this with an anti-American mind. If anything, my love of people makes me hate war, and those who enable such atrocities - not my beliefs about nationalism and nation states (which I can go into further in another blog post).

I've been thinking a lot about pacifism and how many attack individuals who hate the military and hate the war as somehow anti-American. Reading Beah's touching and disturbing story confirms in my mind that there is nothing radical and extremist about pacifism. It is not anti-American to wish that individuals and the government would stop insisting that war is the only solution to our global problems. Why is that mentality not regarded as radical and extremist? In our society we think that those against war are foolish, yet we do not see the lack of logic in solving disputes with amunition. Soldiers, too, end up becoming tools of the ones who started the fight in the first place, and who instead of carrying it out verbally, decide to risk others' lives to win a battle of muscle-flexing. Wars are really, then, more like a children's fight blowing way out of proportion. And while lives are destroyed and families torn apart, everyone begins to forget why the fight started out in the first place.

Why has this extremist means of resolving issues become status quo in our society? Why has our society driven individuals to voluntarily agree to risk their lives so that they can kill others and supposedly protect our nation (even though none of these wars comes anywhere close to American soil...and all the fighting does not seem to do much to quell terrorist attacks globally)? Why do we consider blowing anything or anyone up in the "name of the U.S.A" a noble and heroic task?

I do not believe that it is because somehow we have some innate evil in us that drives us to kill others. No. I do not believe that there is very much about our behaviors that is innate, if there is anything at all. There is nothing natural about war. I mean, most animals do not kill their own species as much as we do. War is a social construct, just like gender and race...and pretty much everything else in our world. The notion that war is the only solution to trans-national problems, then, is also a social construct and not one that we have to accept. Instead of talking about blowing up people and killing others as something we have to do to maintain security, cannot we start talking about how we should care about everyone's lives, not just our own? Cannot we recognize the hypocrisy of assuming that somehow mass murders lead to peace, and subsequently demand alternative means of communication? Just because we've been doing it for so long does not mean that we have to keep solving disputes this way. There is ALWAYS another way. And wishing that thousands or millions of people did not have to die for a cause they barely understand does not make anyone anti-Uncle Sam. It just makes them pro-humanity.

faith, freedom and fasting

Faith has always been a central part of my family's life, at least as far back as I can remember. Of course, like any other family that believes, our faith as a unit has wavered back an forth. Additionally, individual members of the family, myself included, have felt confused, pulled, unsure, and confident all at the same instance. Over the past few years at Brown, I definitely felt more convicted in my faith. That was until this past year. During my semester abroad at Korea, I was drawn to more charismatic churches and experienced things I never knew even existed in this world. I met people who quite literally gave up every second of their life to the Lord and who inspired me to want to do the same. Pastors preached with vivacity, praise leaders sang til tears ran through the room, and believers raised up their hands and shouted to the Lord for joy, forgiveness, and love~ This way of worshiping the Lord moved me in ways I can't explain. Yet, along this journey, I forgot many of the fundamental principals that make me love Jesus and want to be like him.

See, along with this firey faith comes a great deal of judgment and legalism. "You have to act in a certain way to earn God's forgiveness, and if you don't act in that way, you are at-risk for condemnation and an eternity in Hell. Furthermore, all of your friends who are non-believers will be condemned unless you try to help them..." This was, and is, a rather popular undertone in many Christian churches. I am happy to say that I did not grow up in such a church and I do not condone this more hateful and exclusive kind of faith. It feels so contradictory to me: how can you claim to love the only one who knows how to truly love, but then turn around and be so judging of your neighbor. But then, I suppose scripture itself holds many contradictions that leads to an amalgamation of variegated faiths and traditions.

Needless to say, I felt rather trapped within this means of faith and found myself oftentimes self-loathing. I dwelled on my guilt for my sins daily and thought that a deliverance prayer alone would save me. It took months of first talking to God, then taking a break, then reflecting a GREAT deal to finally develop my own faith relationship with the Lord. And now I believe that the only way to believe God and worship his is just to do that: believe God and worship the way that you know how and the way that works for you. It doesn't have to be in the way that someone tells you. Faith is about finding freedom for yourself.

Well, I am still in the process of loosening my chains. I do recognize more and more though what is truly important to me, and that is to love everyone around me as much as I can. I hate on anything that tries to stand in the way of love: murder, domestic abuse, sex trafficking, socieconomic inequality, racism, Prop 8, and even Christian fundamentalist exclusion. I stand by the belief that God loves all forms of love and hates all forms of hate. Pretty simple principal to stand on, but it's actually rather difficult to live out. Especially since so much of the more hateful, exclusive practices are condoned by large segments of our society.

As complicated as all of this may seem, or as overly-simple, who knows, this is how I see practicing faith for me to be. I just want to promote God's love and practice loving others the way the Lord does. I seek to learn more and more about how to do so by developing a relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. And I pray that the Holy Spirit will move me in ways that can improve the world so that hatred no longer has to be central to all we do.

I am fasting this week for my older sister who is taking the boards on Friday. I am not fasting because someone else told me that doing so would help me pray and would help her (though it is true that someone did tell me these things long ago). I am fasting because I love her and because I know that God will see how devoted I am to that love. I believe He will smile upon this act and give her strength to study hard and perform well. I am so proud of her; this is the biggest, most loving gift I know how to give to her right now.

Why blogging...

I never saw myself as a potential blogger. Even when the whole world seemed to "Xanga," I was somehow afraid of blogging and the potential repercussions of sharing too much about myself. Journaling always seemed the more appropriate alternative to express my thoughts. But, frankly, I failed rather heavily at any and all attempts at journaling over the years. I'm much better at just saying what I'm thinking to whomever is willing to listen.

So, why have I decided to start blogging now? The biggest reason is that I'm scared. I just graduated from Brown (the best University and education in the WORLD) and have returned to my hometown, Hartsdale, NY, where I will be assistant teaching at an all-girls' prep school for two years. I am scared that all of the morals and understandings about the world I developed at Brown will disappear during my time at home - that somehow, going back to NY also means going back to the ignorant, complacent, old me. Though, I don't know that I was ever really complacent, the thought that I might one day be absolutely horrifies me. I'm so afraid of becoming comfortable with corporate American life, understanding to upper class complaints, and blind to the real problems that exist in our society...in our world

After a panic attack in Puerto Rico with my little sister, we both decided that blogging would be an excellent means whereby I could maintain accountability. Not only can friends and family comment on my thoughts and feelings, I will also be granted the opportunity to read through my old posts and remember how I feel right in this moment. I will be reminded of my anger with society, my idealistic hope for change, and my desire to make a difference. Perhaps this way, the widely-spreading complacency bug will not reach me.

So, I ask all of you readers to please keep me accountable. And I promise to at least try to keep up with this blog and entertain you all with my classroom stories, random thoughts, and tales of my beautiful dog Jinjoo :)

peace and love always
Soyoung